Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Choosing a Spouse: Purity

©Millie McNabb

One of our daughter’s has a birthday today. Her first kiss was at her marriage ceremony. When we were homeschooling, my girls discovered I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, which influenced their thinking about courtship and marriage versus casual dating.

Making a commitment to purity is counter to the prevalence of casual sex in today’s youthful dating culture. Rutgers University publishes an annual “State of our Unions” report about the attitudes and trends for marriage in the United States. They report a widespread acceptance of sex just for fun without any expectation of commitment. An intentional parent cannot afford to overlook talking with their children about sexual purity.

There are two foundational challenges that couples face if they live together first, and then get married.

The first challenge is Trust. They absolutely know that they do not honor the marriage vows, because they had sex with each other outside of marriage. This plants the seeds of distrust, and when one spouse is late at work, or gone too long shopping, there will be a nagging question of “Are they cheating on me?”

The second challenge is Boundaries. God designed sexual intimacy for pleasure and reproduction, but within the boundary of marriage. To ignore that boundary, opens the door to ignoring other critical boundaries within the marriage partnership. Financial choices are made based on fun, not commitment, so finances are out of control. Disciplining children is challenging because it means enforcing a boundary, so the children are out of control.

Fortunately, God’s grace is abundant. If you were out of bounds, you can confess to each other, ask for and give forgiveness, and enjoy a new beginning.

Have you talked with your children about this important commitment?

God bless….

Millie McNabb, founder of Christian Values Legacy, has been married over thirty years. She offers parenting seminars that focus on passing on your Christian values. Request your free report “Considerations for Intentionally Raising Children to Become Christian Adults” today at

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