Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Choosing a Spouse: Adding the details

©Millie McNabb

I was playing with my two-and-a-half-year-old grand-daughter today. We were putting shaped blocks into their container. As we looked for each right spot, I started adding detail to the names of the shapes. She already knew triangle, but I added isosceles and equilateral. She knew square, but I added parallelogram and diamond.

At her age, she is absorbing lots of information—including concepts of family. As parents we model what a man is and what a woman is, and what a man and a woman in relationship is. It is part of intentionally passing on our Christian values. “For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you….” (II Thessalonians 3:7)

As parents and teachers, we are not perfect in what we model, so we need to verbally fill in the details. For example, sometimes a child will see a disagreement, but not see the resolution between parents. Take the child aside after the fact, and say something like:

“Do you remember when Dad and I were disagreeing last night? You looked concerned. Were you concerned? (Explore the concerns.) I wanted to let you know that Dad and I continued to talk after you went to bed, and we reached an agreement and forgave each other. You know the Bible says to take care of your anger by the end of the day, (Ephesians 4:26) and to forgive one another (Mark 11:25.) Those are important things to do throughout life, even when you grow up and get married.”

When you’re choosing a spouse, look for how they deal with anger and stressful situations. Observe how they treat you and others when they are angry. See if they resolve anger by the end of the day. See if they offer and receive forgiveness.

How are you equipping your children to deal with anger and resolve differences?

God bless….

Millie McNabb, founder of Christian Values Legacy, has been married over thirty years. She offers parenting seminars that focus on passing on your Christian values. Request your free report “Considerations for Intentionally Raising Children to Become Christian Adults” today at

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