Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Choose a Spouse: Belief Plus

©Millie McNabb

I got four packages of socks of the same brand from the same rack, and yet when I was matching them up after they were washed, the lengths were different by as much as two inches. It did not occur to me to compare lengths before I purchased them. Toe to heel seemed pretty consistent, so I don’t think I mistakenly got different sizes. Yet the fact remains—they’re unequally matched.

I have met some Christians who seem genuinely surprised that they are “unequally yoked” when they married a professing Christian. Just as I could have been a little more diligent in my shopping, Christian values require us to be diligent in choosing our spouse. Remember, God considers this to be a lifelong choice, so over the next few weeks, we’ll look at what Scripture says to help us choose well for a strong Christian marriage.

Belief Plus—1. You’re both Christians, but are you both ready to leave your parents? God sets this tone for marriage in Genesis 2:24. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

The classic caricature of the “Mama’s Boy” or the wife who is always “going home to mother” depicts spouses who haven’t yet emotionally left their parents. In the courtship stages, it can be hard to spot because they probably treat their parents well, so you assume they’ll treat you the same way.

The truth is more likely that there is a combination of fear of leaving the parent and anger that they’re not able to go out and be independent. When you marry, you may discover that you’re receiving all the pent-up anger; your spouse will defend the parent, but not you, and; you will be expected to take care of them more like a parent than a spouse.

What characteristics did you look for in a spouse? Follow my blog next Wednesday for more thoughts on teaching our children how to Choose a Spouse.

God bless….

Millie McNabb, founder of Christian Values Legacy, offers parenting seminars that focus on passing on your Christian values. Request your free report “Considerations for Intentionally Raising Children to Become Christian Adults” today at

1 comment:

Margaret said...

I made a long list of things that I wanted in a husband, the top of the list was that he would be a Christian and that I could see Christ working in his life.
I think the biggest impact for me was dad saying "you can love someone but you don't have to marry them". I appreciated that wisdom, that I wasn't bound to my emotions.